Friday Travel Trials

There's nothing like going on a trip and not having to cook, clean and do all those other motherly and wifely duties. Making someone else make the bed, clean the shower and cook my meals is like a little slice of heaven. It also allows me to appreciate my home and family even more.

It was a good week. I spent time with 2 of my coworkers so my meals weren't spent with my Kindle. Although, there is something to be said about alone time! Travels were smooth. I only wish I could say the same for my patience today. Let it be known (no, the whine isn't coming out but the wine will be later!) that I was up at 2:45 home time. I always use home time because thats where I will end up at the end of the day and it does matter. :)

It seems like the d-bags were out in full force today. Remember how I mentioned I hate seat grabbers? I swear I had a sign attached to my chest saying "Grab my seat" and I am not talking about my nicely rounded rear-end. DH would hunt you down. Not only did I have to deal with them, I got a special treat! One of my most favorite type of traveler...the business dude, felt that he could use the back of my seat for a freaking shelf while he fiddled with putting his shit in the overhead bin. To top it all off, he graced me with jacket-flap slaps. If I want to be slapped, I want something out of it...Hello douche...I do not want to smell your nasty jacket or have your briefcase resting at the base of my neck.

Glare at the guy until I hope to see his skin melt off.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I bothering you?"

"No, I just like being used as a shelf and whipping post, thanks." Asshole.

So then the deaf guy in front of me with his music. The lady next to him put up with it longer. She told him that it was giving her a headache. (I resorted to my own headphones, no music, just sweet silence)

"Oh, was it loud?"

No shit Sherlock, you want Watson to give you a clue? You want it in a bag of rocks coming at your head? Enough said.

Then the guy who insisted on unpacking shit from his bag before putting it in the overhead bin (it would have fit under the seat so he didn't have to HOLD THE REST OF THE PLANE UP! Rinse, repeat when deplaning occurs. I know Karma will kick his ass later today. I just have a feeling.

So back to home sweet home. Wonder if I can ask my hubby to take me out for dinner? Wishful thinking maybe? Thanks to my DH, he ordered glorious weather for my return. Unfortunately, he didn't look at the expiration date. It expires tomorrow. 

Airport Pet Peeve

If you haven't noticed a pattern here...I have a LOT of pet peeves when I travel. And it is not because I am intolerant, quite the contrary. I have become waaaaayyyyy more tolerant of people than I used to be. Maybe it's because I finally learned that dumb people don't know they are dumb and no matter what I hope for, dumb people breed dumb people and it just can't be helped. Maybe it's ignorance...

It may be a little thing but it's something that drives me crazy....

The rows of seats in the airports...the ones that are all attached together? Yeah, those ones. The ones that when a portly person plops their largess down on the opposite end and sends you flying into the ceiling? Those ones. Well, besides being catapulted into the ceiling, I cannot stand fidgeters!

http://www.airport-seating.com/Airport_Seating/ALA_pages/ala.htm

Don't get me wrong, I am a fidgeter myself and I fidget all day long. Some days, it's the only exercise I get! But when I fidget, I fidget in private so that it doesn't annoy anyone else. The feeling of my seat shaking because you cannot control your wiggle....it's nearly as bad as being a seat grabber. If you are a fidgeter...please go sit in a different row if you just cannot contain yourself long enough to not annoy me. If you don't, you run the risk of having daggers bore through your soul...Granted they are only the invisible kind and you may not know they are being thrown but you will get up and wonder to yourself..."why do I feel so weird?" Don't worry, it's just the side effects of my karma daggers.

Don't worry, strangers aren't the only ones prone to my daggers...my DH is a wiggler too...he shakes the whole couch while we watch TV because he has untreated ADD and can't sit still. So, I dagger away and when I realize the armor is on stealth mode...I get up and move. 

So, if you see me playing musical chairs with invisible people at the airport, ask yourself one little question:

"Am I a fidgeter?"

If you can answer yes to that question...admitting you have a problem is the first step! 

I actually get to go somewhere this week! A business sanctioned trip the Mall of America and Ikea...how much better can it get? Oh yeah...I could be in Hawaii like some OTHER people I work with...how unfair is that?

Pet Peeve of a Frequent Traveler

I can put up with a lot when I am traveling.

Long security lines, infrequent travelers who don't know the rules of the liquids you can and cannot carry on the plane. I can even put up with the idiots who don't take their parkas off and try to get through security...HELLO! Whatcha got hiding under there, buddy? Yup, ain't gonna let you through with THAT...

The one thing that I cannot stand is the "seat grabber". NO! I am not referring to someone who grabs your a**!!! Although that would rank right up there too. Although, I think that is reserved to elementary school shenanigans (I love that word...shenanigans...it just sounds so...so..shenanaginny). No, this is the person who has to grab your seat as they :

• Walk past your seat
• Get up from behind you
• Go to sit down behind you
• Readjust themeselves...a million freakin' times

Really...seriously sh**head! Do you not see my head resting there? Did I mention that it is resting ON MY SEAT? I really would like to have my hair back...they can do wonders with transplants, they should be able to reimplant the chunk YOU JUST PULLED OUT OF THE TOP OF MY HEAD! Please and thank you.

I can (partly...and that is stretching it) understand it if you need an extra amount of leverage to get up but could you at least warn me? There is nothing like having your body yanked back by your hair as someone grabs your seat while you are trying to sleep! Whoa, did the plane just crash? Nah, that was just you trying to  flip my seat backwards!

What's worse is when someone does this several times during a flight to go to the bathroom...they need to take cues from that crazy lady astronaut and maybe wear diapers....just saying! 

And being the nice person that I am, you will just get the most evil evil-eye I can muster. Even though I really just want to punch you in the face until you poop your pants! Happy Travels!