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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tina's Taxi Trials

Sitting in my room on the 12th floor of the Hilton, I reflect on my day.

Oh, it started out innocently enough. Early rise at 4:30 am for my flight, got to see hubs before I schlepped to the airport. Even got COFFEE! I was feeling like this day would be great.

Oh silly, silly me. What was I smoking in my sleep?

Storms raging in Chicago, flights delayed. Sitting on the tarmac, on a plane for 90 minutes. A wonderful joyous day!

I made the decision to not rent a car once I arrive in Chicago. I have come to resent that decision. In fact, I feel like punching myself over it since I can't find anyone to do it for me.

The cab ride started out just fabulous. I had to spell where I wanted to go. Then he asked me what cross street it was on. HELLO! I have no freaking clue! Sorry, didn't think I needed to bring my Tom-Tom with me for a cab ride.

Doodly-doodly-doo, free and easy down the road I go...HAH!

We arrive at my clients place and I hand the cabbie my credit card. For some reason he rubs it on a napkin. My antennas on the bitch crown start twitching. hmmm.

Read error.

"No work." Cabbie says.

No shit I think. I know it's not my card. Hand him another.
Wipe on his napkin.

Read error.
"No work, you have to pay in cash."

Um...I don't have any cash. Well, I do. But I think he is doing something to make my card not work.
He argues with me. Tells me he is going to drive me to a cash machine.

Yeah okay. Let's get right on THAT. NOT.

I take my card out again. Wipe it on my shirt sleeve. Hand it back.

"So you know, I have taken pictures of your ID, cab number, the fees and know my rights as a patron of your cab."

He replies "I have never had a fare like you. Why you argue? Machine no work. You pay cash."

"Well today was your lucky day then. I told you when I got in that I would not pay in cash. Period. You took me. So, I suggest you scan my card."

Big sigh, look of disgust. "Ok, it won't worrrkk, it broken."

Swiiiipppppe....ding! Jackpot!

BTW~cabbie-ass, I am a heck of a tipper if you help me with my bag (or even offer). Today, the only thing you got was an argument with the Queen B. And I won. And I like winning.

Ohhhhh, but it didn't end there! After a great day at work...I have to take another cab back to the hotel....oh happy, happy, freaking joy joy.

It's raining, it's late, I am already pissed but I put a smile on my face and am as nice as a peach pie in Georgia. Okay, sweet like a rhubarb pie in Minnesota. That's always a bit tart no matter how much sugar you have in it.

Tolerate the smell of nasty butt. What the heck died in here? Seriously, this cab smells!

Get to the hotel. He has this fancy schmancy computer where he has to manually type in the numbers. This is where it gets good.

Try#1: type number in. Miss a number. Card denied. No shit.

Tell him that he missed the 5 at the end.

Try#2: type number in. Miss the 5. AGAIN. Card denied. Really? Again.

Tell him that he missed the 5 again. He has the cajones to argue with me. He asks for cash. WTH is it with them and cash? I mean I get it but do you really want to piss a tired, petite blonde from Minnesota off? Minnesota nice? Up yours. It should be Minnesota Smackdown.

I tell him just please type it in AGAIN. I tell him to stop so I can verify the number. It is right. Hit enter.

Holy hannah! It worked. Imagine that.


Note to self: rent a car in Chicago. Driving would have been better than the headache I got.
And to think I forgot to shine my Queen B crown today. I didn't think it would need to come out.

All in a day's work.


  1. WTF is it with hose dipshits...I am going to make copies of the forms I have in my purse at all the top it says "DOUCHEBAG CITIATION" with a list of all the types of douchebags that one can be...need I say more? No. Just think of skunk could always be worse.

  2. I want those! I would keep the paper company in business since there seems to be an inordinate amount of douches in society! So true, it could be worse. Skunk girl could have a mock scent gland that she sprays!

    Hope you have great plans for the long weekend!

  3. I live just outside of Chicago and had a similar experience. I was with my mom and sister and we were flying out of O'Hare at some freakishly early time. I'd set up a pickup with a cab company I've used many times. The cabbie arrived right on time, loaded up our luggage and then asked me how to get to the airport. I had to give him directions and my mom still gave him a tip!

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